Legendary Mascot Mr. Clean Retires. Here’s How To Thrive In Life’s Next Phase (Tip-Rich Parody)

After 68 years, Mr. Clean, the iconic mascot for Procter & Gamble’s product line of the same name, is retiring. This corporate milestone was announced on the brand’s Instagram page on February 18 with the bald star sporting a Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and “stay tuned” and “explore” hashtags. “While our products will continue to battle your dirt and grime, Mr. Clean, well, first name Veritably, (yes, really), is off to new adventures. We know his journey will be fulfilling, and we support his decision.”

In the year following retirement, many actual adults who have had long successful careers experience depression and feelings of purpose and identity loss. Here, in a well-intentioned parody, are some opportunities for Veritably to put his time, experience and reputation to good use, while exploring the joys of retirement. Perhaps, hopefully, these ideas are relevant to your post-career life too.

Redesigning Home Life

Creating A Quiet Space

Considering how many of his years have been spent in commercial work, it’s likely that there are numerous projects around the house that the retired mascot now has free time to tackle.

He may want to start with creating a quiet corner to enjoy his newfound leisure. Rather than focus on screens — in which he’s had more than six decades of saturation — his new space should offer a digital escape, perhaps just including a sound speaker for commercial-free island tunes.

It should include a comfortable and supportive chair in a performance fabric that won’t stain if he spills his favorite beverage on it. It should also include a side table in a nontoxic, stain and scratch resistant material to hold his drink, a book and a lamp. (New rechargeable LED models don’t require plugs that could otherwise create a trip hazard.)

Veritably’s quiet space can feature his favorite artwork, ideally depicting nature scenes that create a feeling of calm, along with plants that enhance indoor air quality, and possibly a bookcase that would reduce noise from the hallway or adjoining rooms. If he’s not a reader, he can fill its shelves with collectibles.

Creating Indoor-Outdoor Connectivity

Since his retirement announcement event aviator glasses hint at a life enjoying outdoor sunshine, Veritably may look for ways to open his living spaces more to his outdoor spaces. (I’m guessing that six decades in advertising have afforded him a home with this desirable feature and some sweet views.) This can include turning a bank of great room windows into a span of glass doors that open wide to his patio or deck. It can be working with a contractor to build a balcony off of his primary suite to step out into the morning sun for a mood-boosting Vitamin D break. It can also be adding automated window shades that take advantage of natural light indoors while blocking out the highest heat rays of the day.

Updating For Ease

Given Veritably’s long career, it’s quite possible that he hasn’t had time to update his home’s kitchen for years! This would be a good time to contemplate replacing dinged and high maintenance countertops with new no-seal, scratch and heat resistant alternatives. Many of the engineered stone (AKA quartz) tops have transformed into maintenance-free, highly durable, family-friendly (for grandkid visits) silica-free surfaces. He can also trade his dated gas or radiant cooktop for a high performance induction model.

Updating For Health

Now that he’s going to be dramatically slowing down his hectic schedule, this would be a great time to create a fitness room at home. It should include space for weights, aerobic exercise and stretching. Veritably can choose a nontoxic paint in a favorite color — mine is a soft orange for its energizing properties — and scrubbable finish for the walls.

Being Of Service

These home projects won’t go on forever and Veritably is going to want something to do afterward, especially something that makes him feel relevant and useful. Given his extensive knowledge of housecleaning, he can volunteer his time in various ways that may support his values. Here are some ideas that capitalize on the Mr. Clean legend:

• Provide cleaning help to a shelter for battered women and children.
• Provide cleaning help to a disaster services nonprofit in the wake of a storm or other emergency.
• Create and lead a free cleaning seminar for library patrons in the surrounding communities to stay safe and healthy at home.
• Use his extensive contacts with the brand team at his former employer to donate Mr. Clean products to the charities he’s helping.
• Mentor disadvantaged high school seniors in creating successful careers with or without college degrees.

Last Words

This advertising icon, like the rest of us, can take great pride in his success while creating an enjoyable and worthwhile post-retirement life and home. Thanks for the years of service, Mr. Clean, and happy exploring! You’ll be missed.